deviant art

Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

More from ~SuppressedOceans


×
You only see broken, empty shells,
They cut your aching feet,
And give you a sense of solitude.

You walk into the waves,
They soothe your pain,
They relieve you of sins.  

You want to run away,
But every time you try,
The call becomes louder.

And you are so tired,
So tired of running,
From the call of soothing waters.

So you swim,
Engulfed by the comfort,
But these are dangerous waters.

You're swimming too far out,
The tide will catch you,
Drag you under.

You will never resurface.

415

20 31 6
Download HTML download, 719 bytes
I love the ocean :) Free to interpret as you please.

Details

Stats

Submitted on
May 1, 2012
File Size
719 bytes
Views
415 (1 today)
Favourites
20 (who?)
Comments
31
Downloads
6
URL
Thumb
Only verified accounts can report policy violations. Please check your email and click on the verification link.
* Required field
Add a Comment:
 
love 1 1 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconwdnest:
=wdnest Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wonderful piece - great work.
Reply
:iconsuppressedoceans:
~SuppressedOceans Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconoilux:
=Oilux Dec 2, 2012  Student Writer
Hello! Your wonderful literature has been featured on my Sunday Selects!
[link]
Reply
:iconsuppressedoceans:
~SuppressedOceans Dec 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you :3
Reply
:iconoilux:
=Oilux Dec 4, 2012  Student Writer
No problem!
Reply
:iconcrematedman:
=CrematedMan Sep 7, 2012  Student Writer
The title choice is good. The figurative language and extended metaphor really accentuates the message of the piece.
Reply
:iconsuppressedoceans:
~SuppressedOceans Sep 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconmadhat11d6:
~MadHat11D6 Sep 1, 2012   Writer
I like the concept here. This piece has a good flow and I can get a picture and a story out of this. However, the impact falls very short of what it could be. A lot of it is in the order of the words and how you use the punctuation. For example, the first line 'You only see broken empty shells' could tweaked to be something like 'You see only broken, empty shells'. It's a slight difference, but in using wording like that it brings out a different sort of tone. The last line stood out as a major part that wasn't quite what it could be. If you play with the formatting a little bit, it might also alter the impact. For example, you could put key words in bold, parts that are meant to feel like whispers smaller than the rest, etc. In this way, you can capture the sort of dangerous-yet-peaceful image.
Overall, this piece is very interesting. Not quite there for me, but very close. Well done. I'm eager to see what you can do with this piece and what sorts of pieces you will submit to the group in the future.
Reply
:iconsuppressedoceans:
~SuppressedOceans Sep 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the feedback :)
Reply
Add a Comment: